Emily Watch and Distress

Short version:
We desperately need your prayers and the grace of God to intervene.

Long version:
We're still working on finding someone to watch Emily, and that's very scary. If we can't get this covered, the adoption is off, we're likely barred from adopting again from China, and Xin Sha Gang may not be adopted for a long time, if ever. It would tear my heart out, and I would mourn the loss of my son.

We thought this was handled and done, and that we were covered, but we're not. We understand -- it's tough signing up to watch a special needs child, and not without careful consideration. I blame myself for not locking this in better and creating a contingency plan, but we can't beat ourselves up over it, what's done is done. We're on the edge of a precipice. No care for Emily, no adoption, it's that simple, and I'm apoplectic and troubled.

This stress on top of everything else is very tough to handle. I could only sleep for 3 hours last night because of it, and I feel the flight stress like a caged animal, wired, shaking and not able to be at peace or rest, fidgeting and pacing. We have to get this done, and I don't know how.

All I can do is put this in God's hands. He started us on this journey to adopt one of his children, and provide for an orphan. It's foundational to our faith.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. - James 1:27

Jesus himself reminds us that we are adopted into His family, the adopted sons and daughters of God:

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." - John 14:18-21

I can't believe that God would call us to such a journey, to follow his commands to take care of orphans, only to close this door at the end. He loves Xin Sha Gang, and us, but that doesn't mean that it is His will that we be together -- to me, this is the hard part of the Christian walk, to have will that is subordinate to the call of Christ. You cannot say, "No, Lord." This is very hard, the hardest struggle I've ever had.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, that we will have peace and freedom from anxiety, and can get this resolved, one way or another, and grace.